Smokers Taking The Planet For Granted

By. Dean Maffie

Everybody knows smoking is cool. Sure it makes your
teeth an October shade of burnt orange and gives you a
phlegm roll in your voice when you're trying to make a
presentation at work, but the coolness factor
outweighs the negatives. When a smoker wakes up in the
morning and goes into a coughing spasm delivering a
spot on imitation of Bill the Cat, you know you are in
the presence of coolness. Just look at the alumni
roster; Humphrey Bogart, Rod Serling, Bill Hicks,
Peter Jennings- all smokers, all cool.

But one thing that isn't cool about smokers is when
after they're done achieving nicotine nirvana they toss
their cigarette butts to the ground. I'm not talking the
real hardcore smokers who smoke the non filtered or
hand rolled versions but those smokers who have things
like jobs and automobiles. We live in a society grounded in
the principles of consideration for your fellow man and is
built upon the ideals of the next hyped thing, which
of course is "Saving the Planet". Now I'm not one of
those fanatics who put the mental in environmentalism,
just someone who doesn't want any additional
decorations to natures given urban beauty of asphalt
and concrete. Nature has the ability to wash away
homes and destroy entire civilizations but it has been
proved to be completely powerless in sending the
cigarette butt back from whence it came.

As a smoker, I believe that there are a lot of thoughtful
and decent smokers out there who are unaware that
their actions of discarding there filtered friends is creating
an eyesore equaled only to Rosie O'Donnell sunbathing in
the nude.

There needs to be an incentive for smokers to hold on
to their little brown butts so they make this world a
cleaner place. Maybe the tobacco companies could give
reward points to smokers who collect a hundred or more
filter tips. They could trade them in for cool
merchandise stuff like respirators or smokers-only
island getaways. Another idea would be to have special
prizes revealed on the bottom of the filter. Something
similar to a scratch off only this would be more like
a burn off. I'm sure there are plenty of folks
involved in the tobacco advertising industry who care
deeply about environmental issues who would like to
come up with some ideas.

Until that time, you can do your part to keep butts
where they belong. Take a little canister with you
when you go out for a smoke break. After you have
finished with your tobacco tranquility, place your
litter butt buddy in there for safe keeping until you
are able to dispose of it properly. Not only will
this prevent a visual eyesore but will additionally
make you much more cooler to your environmental
friends on their way to there weekly Anti-Iraq War

Dean Maffie grew up in the sixties in the suburban outskirts of Boston He was heavily influenced during that period by such performers as Captain Kangaroo and Lenny Bruce. Growing up during the heyday of the original punk/new wave era he carried a pretty good knowledge of those bands and artists that have gone on to do car commercials and state fairs. Having been a person who lived through those times he brings a mature perspective and first hand knowledge of the transition from Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll to Work, Bills, and Growing Old. His cynicism and sincerity covers the gamut of social issues and the hypocrisy of today's culture, thus giving him the moniker of “The Crankee Yankee".