2 Poems by Rob Plath

bibles & cracked oil pans

once we had no napkins
or paper towels or even
toilet paper in the house
i was angry so i ripped
out a page of the bible
to use to wipe the black oil
off the dip stick of my
rotting '79 chevy nova
but it had such a bad leak
the fucking stick was dry
i had to spend my last $$$'s
on 2 quarts of goddamn oil
& no one missed the
torn-out page
it was so thin & the book
was so thick
besides it was all bullshit anyway
the meek would never inherit
a fucking planet like this

Mother Theresa's Dildos

They discovered Mother Theresa's collection
of dildos yesterday in a ditch just outside of Calcutta.

They were immediately flown first class to Rome.

Sources at the Vatican are saying that it is a very humble set of dildos
wooden & crudely carved, yet incredibly durable.

Tabloids are saying that Mel Gibson already
is in the middle of writing a few movie
tentatively titled " The Lust of Mother Theresa,"
which features graphic scenes of the famous nun
in action with her toys.

And in an interview on Fox News, Dick Cheney
was proud to say that he saw photos
& was surprised at how small the dildos were
& that they reminded him of his old collection
of wooden bird whistles, then he said something
about having a new idea & trailed off...

Rob Plath is 37 years. He has published about 150 poems in 50 magazines and journals in print and online. He has one book of poetry called “Ashtrays and Bulls” (liquid paper press--home of the nerve cowboy) and two forthcoming, one from Cat Scan Press in the UK called “Sour Milk” for the soulless and another from Pooka Press in Canada which is not yet titled. He once studied with Allen Ginsberg at Brooklyn College from '95-97 and performed on a spoken word CD “Northport celebrates jack” --a tribute to Jack Kerouac. Since he has just become poetry editor of Whirligigzine - JD Finch's fiction and poetry magazine, which is in print and online. Rob lives in New York.